You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
