The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
