mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
