i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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