I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
