Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
