I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
