im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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