WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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