I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
