You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
whose parrot is this?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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