Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
