no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
