You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize