really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
