I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
