Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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