Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize