wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
