He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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