I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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