I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
