OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
