Someone shit on the floor
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
