so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
