she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
