We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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