Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
