oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
