You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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