I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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