my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
