She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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