I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize