hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
