So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
