i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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