I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
