Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm jealous of your bromance
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
