Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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