dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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