everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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