Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish you could order shots online.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
