update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
sex in a hospital.. check
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
