she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
