i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
