Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
