We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
