Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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