he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
