I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
