FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
