I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Randomize
