Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
