Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
