Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
