college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
