Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize