i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Quick, to the slutcave!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
