Apparently you make a good broom.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
