I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
