Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
