I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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