Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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