so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
