U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
