my vag is so smooth its legendary
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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