Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
