your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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