If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
