Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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