So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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