Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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