is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
