I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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