I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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