He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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