we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
