I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
