well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
