my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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