my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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