My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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