i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
