i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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