This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
