Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
