Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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