it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
