Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Randomize
