'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize