I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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