last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
