If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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