Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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