wrigley field is MILF paradise
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
