All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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