My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
