Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to calm my uterus...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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