i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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